I’ve hesitated to write a post about this for some time, but I think I need to say something.
I recently found out that someone I know, a strong smart successful woman was raped as a child. It was done by a family friend, a much older child of one of her parent’s closest friends.
She never said anything to anyone about it, not until about just a few years ago. Last year, she got the courage to tell some members of her family. Their reaction was one of disbelief.
And in the end, they still remain friends with her rapist.
She told her aunt. And her aunt was shocked. But her aunt still sent care packages to the guy, now serving in the military overseas.
Part of the reason is that she comes from a very tightly-knit community, probably one of the few places left where neighbors talk to each other, knock on each other’s doors for a cup of sugar. In fact, the rapist’s mother, sent care packages to my friend’s brother who was also in the military serving overseas.
Because of her family member’s and her aunt’s response, she hasn’t had the heart to tell anyone else, including her dad.
I’ve told her that she needs to say something, not necessarily to take him to court for anything, but so that her community knows. But she doesn’t want to cause trouble in her community; it would be really divisive and tear that community apart.
The thing is, she may have gotten over it and been able to move past it.
But what if there are other victims out there? The ones who are too young, too weak, too afraid to say anything?
And because he’s gotten away with it once, what is there to stop him from doing it again?
I told her she has to say something, so that people know and are aware, and so no other little girl will have to go through what she did.
The rapist is currently serving in the military, and just this week, there was an article in the NYTimes Magazine, “The Womens’ War” about the hidden secret of how often female service members are subject to sexual harassment and rape and how perpetrators are rarely punished.
Silence is why shit like this continues to happen. Silence and an unwillingness to speak up and cause trouble.
Women have to stop being afraid to make trouble.
All I can think about is that rapist in the military, and how any victims he may choose may not end up as well as her.
This is also why people hate the military.
I don’t know what’s going to happen. I know it’s going to take time. But I hope she says something.
*editing to add that it’s not my friend that pisses me off, it’s rape. And the fact that one single act like that could have such an effect even after all these years. I’ve also edited this to change some details to protect some identities.